i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
