you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize