Screwed.edu
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
