Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
