I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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