I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
