tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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