even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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