I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
