WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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