It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
