It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
