also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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