The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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