i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
