Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
