Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
