8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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