We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
