we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
soo... how was my night?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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