Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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