Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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