This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
