I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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