where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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