she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
