tonight lets celebrate not being married
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
