So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
