he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
