Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
