You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize