i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
