I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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