im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
NoShamevember. You game?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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