too bad you live with your parents still
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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