With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
