Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
