once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
