You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
