I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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