In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
