I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize