You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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