When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
