Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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