There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
