:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
