Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
