It's Friday. Sex?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
