So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
