On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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