I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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