Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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