Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize