I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
