He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
