You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
