from now on my penis is your penis
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
