cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
