how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
