You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize