Quick, to the slutcave!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
