omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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