apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize