You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
