Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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