yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
