so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
me + whiskey = a bad person
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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