So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
