I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize