Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
