Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
