I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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